Trippy Trip Day 2

Morning came with a sense of disorientation. I was in a new place, a different one smelling of cigarettes and body odor. My vision started to clear up, as much as it can without the aid of glasses. The room was filled with a diffuse yellow glow which surprised me. I had seen windows here, just didn't expect the light to reach this region. I went back into hibernate, my gaze becoming glassy, my breathing settling down. Zen master. I went over the events of last night, as crazy as a night had ever got in my life. I wondered if I could ever top that.
Delayed onset claustrophobia set in. Even the Zen master cant stay in this box for long. I had to get out. I got out of bed keeping my movements slow and compact, trying not to wake D up. The door is opened and the light streams in. Squinting against it I step out. The scene from the balcony was chaotic. The road narrower than it has any right to be with traffic movement bidirectional, barely. No side walk of course. A stream of humanity moving on either side competing with the vehicles for space, as good a cross-section of society in this part of Bangalore as any. The door opened behind me again. D stood there rubbing the sleep from his eyes, not the type to just lie in bed as he wakes I guess.
 "Morning!" I said faking an enthusiasm that I didn't feel. He looked at me with narrowed eyes, "You are a cynical asshole." I stopped smiling like a mad man and shrugged. "Checkout is at 12 right? We will have to make a move soon." "And what then?""We get something to eat, kill some time and then go back. Sounds good?" He nodded his assent and went back in. In 30 min both of us were ready to leave and we checked out.
Budgetary constraints meant that we eat someplace cheap. Having time to kill meant that we could go a little far away. My lack of knowledge of Bangalore meant that we ended up going back to Brigade road. .....
Yeah ....

We ended up  going to Mc Ds, the afternoon sunshine making us sweat as we walked through the semi-familiar streets, so ridiculously different in daylight. We ordered our lunch and move to a floor above. Packed as it was we found two seats. We had to share the tables with two girls roughly the same age as us. Pretty. But very much on guard. They weren't looking for a conversation. They were simply waiting for someone else.
You know those scenes in movies which just happen and the awkward guy completely fumbles up the lines with the girl, any girl who he happens to be with? And you laugh knowing that if you were in that position you would be cool as fuck? Yeah well turns out those idiots were a lot more brave than you cause you have no freaking idea what to say to them. you just look at anything except them trying not to look at them.
Thats when D decides to message me.
D: talk to them.
HC: What?! No!
D: Talk to them. Talk about anything.
HC: Are you out off your mind! They are unapproachable!
D: Dude just do it.
This went on for a while until I decided to end it by going to the restroom. When I  came out  the twosome were gone. "Why would you do that?" I demanded."To make you get over your approach anxiety. It was the first step." "I don't want to be a PUA"

I should probably explain.
D was a legit Pick-up-artist; PUA for short. A pickup artist (commonly abbreviated PUA) is a person who practices finding, attracting, and seducing sexual partners. (Wikipedia, right?)
He was introduced to this world by an older friend. A mentor. A guy he respects quite a bit. I don't know if D was pathetic when he was younger or if he had a bad breakup with his first girlfriend, whatever the reason this Raaz Al Ghul took him under his wing and taught him the ways of football and women. This kid who had no real need for game with his looks now had a significant amount of it. And he was attempting to pass it on to me. I think he saw me as some kind of a social project. I was too curious to be insulted though.
Approach anxiety is what you feel when you have to approach and talk to a complete stranger. Everybody has it, except maybe kids. Somewhere along the way as we grow up, it stops being cute and becomes ...well.. creepy. How is it that you can barrel through the situation with no idea what the next words out of your mouth are going to be. 

"If you wanted to speak to them yourself you should have gone ahead and done so. I don't think they would talk to you either."

"No.. They would talk to me."

"How would you know?"

"They were interested in me." 

"Conceited much? Did you notice them looking at everything except you."

"Looking at everything I looked at."

"Come again?"

"They were looking at everything I looked at. I looked at the TV for a while and then they followed my line of sight. Same thing when I looked in a completely random direction. They were very aware of me. Pretty simple method of gauging their reaction to you."

I just sat there, stunned and then jealous. He looked around for a bit and said, "Why don't you go ahead and wait for me outside? I'll come out in a bit." I left without another word. At the entrance of Mc D I stood looking at people moving in and out feeling out of place even here. Confidence is key. Just move in and let the Dice fall as they may. Once you are used to this go ahead and take control of situations little by little. That's how he learnt I bet.

I was lost in my own thoughts when I was snapped back to the present. D was coming out and following his lead where 2 girls. That sonafabitch!

The women in question were your average Bangalore girls. Casual clothing, somewhat minimal makeup, 20yr old. We were introduced to each other. Their names.... Well I don't remember them now so lets call them X and Y. X and Y were doing their MBA in Bangalore. Both were from Jamshedpur and had studied one year apart. The only thing I knew about Jamshedpur was that there was a Tata Steel plant there thanks to which infrastructure was pretty good. Apparently water can be drunk straight from the tap.

I verified this immediately. Yeah.. Real smooth talker I am. Anyway they were about to go shopping after their lunch when they were approached by a young man. D later told me that his approach was a simple one, he saw two young women relaxed probably easy to talk to if maybe a bit older than he was. Apparently they laughed when he first talked to them but it was more out of flattery than anything else. He pushed a bit more and they agreed. 

The 4 of us decided to go to Garuda Mall. On the way there X and D were having a good time. I was left trying to strike a conversation with Y. Of the 2 Y was the less attractive one, not that they were supremely attractive to begin with. She was a bit plain, not fat not thin. Not very easy to talk to either. In any case I was in no condition to talk. Shit like this never happens in real life, much less mine. D was showing me how things that I believed were impossible were actually commonplace. After a while I realised that I was neglecting my role as host and became more active in the conversation.

On the way to Garuda Mall, X asked me something I have never been asked before." What's your caste?" For a while I just looked at her, not sure if I had heard her correctly. "What?" "What is your caste?" "Um.... I'm Christian." "Oh." "Is that a problem? I have never been asked anything like that in the 18 yrs I have lived in Bangalore." She didn't give me a satisfactory answer as to why she wanted to know. It coloured my perception of her for the remainder of time we spent together. 

We were soon in Garuda Mall, the women asking us questions about the various aspects of med school while we asked about their course. D kept the conversation playful and light. At Garuda Mall we wandered a bit and checking out the arcades. There was a product launch, Panasonic makeup and accessories. They had organized a kind of Fashion show for that where you can get a makeover done for free. X and Y were pretty excited about it discussing whether or not X should take part. They decided against it in the end and that was that. 

We left the place soon after as it was time for our train back.They accompanied us on the bus and we parted ways. We got to the station to find the train leaving. Neither of us was willing to run after it and it was already a ways off. Not a problem. There was another one about 2 hrs later. The wonders of a General Ticket.

D received a call at that point. It was X asking us whether we caught the train or not. (Yes, D gave her his number.) The next bit I could hear even though I was a couple of feet away from him. 

"YOU MISSED YOUR TRAIN! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! ARE YOU A CHILD? HOW CAN YOU BE SO IRRESPONSIBLE! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS NOW? COME OUTSIDE, WE ARE COMING THERE!"

The call was cut. D looked at me while I struggled to hide my laughter. Voice shaking, I said, "I think we should go outs-". " Yeah I know "

And so we stood outside the station. They found us in about 15 min. It was all very surreal. We barely knew these people. We had just met today. So why do they care so much? Was she interested in D? I had no illusions as far as I was concerned so I knew that I barely registered in her radar. But still this can't be considered normal behavior right? 

The next few minutes saw D calming X down telling her about the next train. "Even we are not worried about this at all so why are you so strung up over this?", I added. She pretended that she did not hear me.Yup definitely don't register on her radar.

For the rest of the conversation X was strangely silent and just looks around. Y takes a much bigger role now needling D with Questions. D later told me that it was actually Xs words. What was happening was that X was interested in D and had hence conscripted Y to ask him things, like his relationship status. I don't know whether he knows what he is saying or he is just making it upon the fly. I tried to engage X in conversation but got only monosyllabic responses for my trouble. I wondered is she thought she was being mysterious. 

Soon it was time for them to leave so we said our goodbyes with the mood of a possible future meeting. It didn't happen, we never saw them again.

D and I waved them off and just stood there watching them blend into the crowd. It was time for our train. Neither of us said a word as we went back to the station, not when we got on the train. The two of us sat down an the floor of the train, at the door, legs hanging of the edge. We just sat there looking at the poles flash by, watching the setting sun turn the sky golden red. A day had passed. I had lived more in that day than in a year. And the bastard sitting next to me was responsible. "Thanks man", I said, gratitude feeling wrong in my mouth. " Hmmm?", he said obviously not listening. That was completely fine by me. "Noth-FUCK!" 

A station where we did not have a stop had just passed by. And my foot cliped the platform as we passed it jerking my knee in a direction it couldn't go. Thankfully nothing happened. After few minutes D said, "I didn't say it then cause I know you would have been pissed but are my shoes OK." I glared at D and he seemed to deflate a bit. 

We got to our station and managed to get to our room. The shoes were fine except for a skid mark on the sole. In the room D starred receiving texts from X, he replied for a day or two but after that he  completely cold shouldered her. He talked about going into the city again and I agreed to go with him. That didn't happen of course. In a month or so he got admission at another med school closer to his home. He left quickly in less than two days leaving the rest of us with funny stories about a very funny guy. 

My experience of living with that asshole changed me, woke me up to the fact that the contentment I thought I had felt was in fact resignation. He made me want more from life and at the same time make me aware that that may not be possible. I don't expect to have good luck with women, that is one area I have completely given up on. But I want to live life on my terms, on the edge and feeling alive. I am thankful to him and I hate him for it. 

Trippy Trip

The sunlight streamed into our room as it always did in the evening. It was Saturday and most of my friends had chosen to go home. I chose to stay. Had to grow up at some point right? I spend that afternoon like I had spent most, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling thinking of nothing important.I was the Zen master, the most depressed Zen master ever. 

A noise from the other side of the room broke my trance. I tried not pay attention to it. I already knew what it was. My room-mate was turning around in his bed. He must have done so a few times already because he broke the not-too-awkward silence in the room. "Lets go to the city."

I continued to stare at the ceiling. With my room-mate you kinda let things flow. He doesn't normally mean what he says and even when he does its so ridiculous that you try imagine that he didn't. Don't get me wrong the guy is smart. One of the smartest people I know. But he is also as obnoxious as any of my earlier friends. He was after all the quintessential joker/jock. I remember his disappointment when he saw our female batch mates for the first."Where the fuck have I come to man! Don't they care about how they look at all! Why don't they wax and shit?! Ill pay for them!" What can you say to that? I just patted him on the back while struggled to keep a straight face. I guess he was used to better looking women where he was from.

"Lets go to the city!", He repeated. Making a face I replied, "Why?" "'cause life is short and we are stuck here doing nothing." I looked over at him half amused half annoyed, "You could have said this a little earlier you know. Even if we leave now it will be late when we get there." "Are you coming or not?" "Why, man? Its pointless to go home at this point." "I am not talking about going to your home. I want to see the nightlife at this city. Lets go!". I laughed aloud, "You are asking the wrong guy! I don't even know where to go." " Yeah yeah I know you have never been allowed. But isn't that good reason to go now?!" 

I pondered this. Yes I felt that my life was controlled to the max and I was the sad SAP who was OK with it all this time. My big awakening occurred shortly after PUC. At that point I didn't want to carry on in my sheltered existence. So during CET I took a gamble and chose a college where I would need to stay in a hostel. I had chosen to break free. Wasn't that the whole point.

Finally settled on the point I noded and looked at him. "Fine. But I don't know what to do what to wear, and the cash.." " Don't worry about the money. Take what you have, I will spot you the rest. As for the clothes...show me what you got. I have seen you dress man, that is your bigger problem." "fuck off." "Haha! The truth will set you free my friend."

In a few minutes we were ready to go. I was wearing a white shirt and blue jeans ( "it will do" he said passing a critical eye over my attire). He was wearing a black slack with a t-shirts and a zipper jacket. Party wear. D(my roommate) was on the prowl. He loaned me a pair of shoes from Zara declaring my own Big Bazaar ones thoroughly inadequate. I liked those shoes. Party shoes. Made me feel spiffy.

And so D and I got on the 6:30 to the city. We got there by about 10:30 the entire way me being a petulant jackass reminding him time and again that this was a waste of time. He was very patient with me and after a while I kinda want along with it. The city center is a bustling maze made in the shape of a circle. We didn't behave like tourists gawking at everything. This was a part of a the city that I was familiar with after all. And both of us had one objective in mind. Shelter. We had no intention of letting my parents know that we were here and money was definitely a constraint so our options were limited. We looked around nearby and we were not disappointed... Relatively. An entire street lined with establishments that catered to our exacting demands while violating multiple building codes.

We chose a motel with a highly forgettable name. The manager, a creepy looking old man smiled at us and listed out the rooms available. At this point I drifted letting D handle the particulars. In the end we booked a double bed for 250. During the finalization of our transaction I experienced a minor panic attack when signing in my Name, address etc. I was actually going through with this!

Our rooms were small. 7.5 feet width and 9 feet long. No windows, no bathroom. Two narrow cots jammed in with a TV on a stool at the end. An ash tray was on the floor, cigarette buds littered around it. Casa de la super economy. 

It would have to do. 

We dumped our bags on the beds, freshened up a bit and headed out into town. ( Not before receiving a not so subtle wink from the manager.)

By now the time was 11. Pretty late in the city. Definitely way past the time I am allowed to stay out at night. We boarded a bus to the one place I knew we would find pubs, Brigade road. On the bus I tried to prove that I was no slouch when it came to socialization. I struck up an uneasy conversation with a random person inquiring about the nightlife in the area. In the beginning I am sure that he considered me clinically insane. Towards the end though we reach a mutually accepted rhythm - aka awkward silence. Getting off at our stop I remarked " See? I can talk to strangers." "Yeah sure man. I saw how uncomfortable both of you were. Maybe you were better at it before but now... No worries! I will hook you up!"

"We are here." I had seen this road a few times on my way back home from Mandya. I have only been here maybe thrice in my lifetime and never at night. Brigade Road. You want to be a part of Bangalore's nightlife Brigade road sure as shit had it. It looked kinda deserted with medium traffic flowing through the one-way. I had no idea where to go so we began to wander aimlessly for a while. It was weird how uncongested the roads were. Along the way D picked up a small bottle of vodka about a 100 ml I guess. He took swigs without any indication of discomfort. He offered me a little but I declined, keeping an eye on him wondering how different he would be when he is drunk.

We kept up our pace walking through the streets looking for a place to hang. While walking past our third crossing D stoped and cocked his head. "Do you feel that?" His hand was raised index finger extended moving in time to a beat I could not perceive. He turned and walked down that road, his steps matching the beat he felt. This guy love to dance. Shuffle. That's the word he used. And i could see it.
We reached a 4 story building where people were exiting in groups. D dove into the crowd pushing his way ahead until he reached the lift. I followed him of course but i was completely out of it, being unable to figure out our destination. We where finally ejected onto what i think was the 3rd floor judging from what I could see out of the window. We moved down a hallway towards a set of heavy padded doors. Every time it opened  the sounds of drunken laughter and trans music intensified and a group of giggling or drunk people came out reeking of cigarette smoke. The bouncer a 7 foot hulk of a man leered at us while letting us through. The scene that greeted us was .... no other word for it ....  unnerving. My hormone charged mind gave me a buzz as I tried to process it. 

There was smoke.. a lot of it. It had become something like stage smoke. The lights which were already dim had a tough job of making if through that. The music was beating a forceful tattoo against my skull. My pulse seemed to sync with the throb that I felt reverberating through the ground traveling up my legs, originating from the sound system. And the women .... Oh my god. Each one of them dancing and gyrating to the music. Long hair, ponytail, bobs all moving in unison forming a kaleidoscope that I felt blessed to see, future risk of lung cancer notwithstanding. There were guys obviously peppered in the crowd each one dancing his ass of looking like peacocks strutting about with their moves. I even saw something that I had only heard of .... A couple were dancing next to me, the girl as close to him as possible with her hips touching his. She was grinding on him! Completely distracted by this it took me sometime to tear my gaze away and look at D. He had been taping my arm for a while now. He pointed to a couple of empty seat. Noding my understanding I moved towards the seats. 

I sat down, grateful for the respite from our trek, taking in the sight around me.
This was another world. As distinct from mine as the wild was to a city. The people here were the inhabitants who lived in a kind of willful and beautiful decadence. D was from here and I was ... just a visitor. He stood up, his intentions clear. He looked at me askance and I shrugged a smile playing at my lips, "Go on ahead, I'm sitting this one out. "He shrugged and moved ahead his feet already picking up a rhythm. And suddenly it all stopped. The music had reached its end and the Lights came on. The DJ came on the mike, " you guys have been an amazing crowd but that's all we got for tonight. We have reached curfew and we have to stop." The air was filled with moans. Please DJ! Come on DJ! One more song! D turned around in confusions to see me laughing my ass off.

At that moment a bouncer grabbed onto D. He started screaming in Kannada barely audible over the noise the rest of the crowd was making. I was scared. People screaming at me or my friends have a way of doing that to me. D however just looked at me looking for an explanation. Not being able to find one he just shrugged. The man then grabbed D's hand and pulled it up. Clutched in it was the 100ml vodka bottle. 

" I don't think we are supposed to -" " Got it."
The giant hauled D toward the bar where a a man was leaning against a table looking over the crowd as if he was in-charge of it all, he probably was. Reaching him the bouncer pulled the bottle from Ds grasp and gave it to this guy. Closer up he looked like an average guy, taller than me but then nearly every one is. Buff too.

The details get a bit fuzzy here because it all happened so long ago. He spoke in hindi of course, the defacto language one uses when one approaches a fair Indian. The gist of it was - you have broken the rules of my pub. No drinks are allowed from the outside. I am not gonna make this a police matter but you guys have to leave now.
I nodded my understanding eager to get away from these men dragging D along in my haste to get out. Once we where out D started cussing about leaving the vodka behind. A pity. I could have used a little just then. The time was only 12am. Yup that's Bangalore curfew time. No clubs are allow to operate beyond that time.

I later learned that it had some thing to do with trying to  control anti-social elements in the city. Not that I care. D on the other hand inconsolable.

So here we are, cold, hungry and thoroughly dissatisfied. Thankfully Empire was still open. Eateries are allowed to operate for a further 30min to 1hr. both of us ran to the "to go" counter and ordered rolls. Eating that spicy goodness like starving men we felt the warmth spread through our bodies. Our mood improved and we began to smile again. We must be thankful for the small things in life. Done with our small dinner we started to move towards our motel. Which was far away now. So damn far away. We would have taken the bus but after 12... so we walked for a long time. The streets were empty save for a random vehicle that passed us. We were one of the lucky few who got to enjoy that stillness.

20 minutes into our walk we saw an auto with the driver and a passenger parked near the sidewalk. We approached them and asked for a ride."200." He said with a smile. D was fimiliar with the distance now so he took over the haggling. In hindi of course. "It cant be that much! Come on! you already have a passenger!" The youth in the back spoke up, "Actually I am the owner." Eventually we agreed at 120 and got in. We learn that the young man (lets call him Deevesh) was a Fashion Designer. D was doing all the talking. A natural. He asked him about the auto, his job. Any events that are coming up and the possibility of passes to said event. Deevesh was of course happy to talk. He told us that he was from Meerut, how he had come here a few years back, his girlfriend who was a model. I was getting a glimpse at a skill that I suspected D already had. he had the ability to make you feel important and you want him to continue feeling that so you talk more than you should about things you shouldn't. The entire time I just looked outside shaking my head. By the end of our trip Deevesh was offering D a little bit of modeling work. We thanked them for bringing us to our destination amidst protests that we could crash at his place if we wanted.
We walked the rest of the way towards the highly forgettable motel only to find the gate locked. Thankfully the manager was asleep nearby and woke up quuickly to the sounds of the gates being shaken. He opened it with his trademark smile as if to ask, "Did you find what you where looking for?"
We climbed the stairs tired from the long night and got into the room. We didn't bother changing or anything, we just fell on the beds. I stayed up a bit longer to watch TV ( we paid for it may as-well use it right?) Californication . A show that D swears by because of the ridiculous amount of game the main character has.

I fell asleep within the hour before wondering whether I had done anything wrong. I had never slept better.

My roommate

What an asshole!
That is the phrase that comes to mind when I think of my first roommate. It's not like I hate him or any thing. I just resent him. That Bastard striped me of my mask and made me see my self and the world in a new light. And since that day I have not felt content.

I met him for the first time when we had come to the hostel to enroll ourselves. Both Father and son were inspecting the room when I showed up with my parents. They exchanged pleasantries and I noticed that his father was an extrovert, he had a kind of forced friendliness with nothing behind the eyes. I guess it helps him while he runs his practice (ophthalmologist). There were not locals like us. They lived at the opposite end of the country but it didn't seem to matter to them, it looked like they had done this before.

By the time I moved in he had made himself at home. Already he was on speaking terms with everyone on our floor. I was at the time in my introverted state and wanted as little to do with others as possible. But this guy started staging me around introducing me to everyone else saying " have you met Happycynic?" Or "this is my roommate Happycynic." I was at once embarrassed and on gaurd. I observed his face and saw the artifice, the controlled smile and raised eyebrows, the overly jovial behaviour all a mask to put everyone at ease. To manufacture an image for himself. I should know. I had done it frequently. Nothing wrong with trying to fit in after all. But I guess in the end we ended up having fun.

Looking back at myself I can safely say that I was undergoing some major mental stress. I was neurotic, my behavior characterised by sudden jerks and bursts of activity, an ever present and not the good kind of excitement and down right fanatical when it came to my code and cleanliness. A shrink might say that I was trying to regain control in my life by imposing it on myself and my surroundings. To such a person staying with a person like D ( " have you met D? He is my roommate" ) could and would be traumatic. The man was a slob. His idea of cleaning involved two sweeps of the room with the broom 1 cm in the air. His bed and table was always covered with a jumble of books while mine was in a neat stack. It drove me crazy. Two of my prime directives where in direct opposition.
D1 : a clean environment is essential.
D2 : live and let live.

He was tall, fair and handsome, easily one of the most noticeable guys in my batch. He talked easily to anyone. He excelled at making great first impressions on teachers. His first act when entering our first class in anatomy was to prostate himself before the HOD and touch his feet. The old man leered at us while blessing this asshole, his eyes assaulting us as if we were disrespectful. And to top it of he was a sportsman, a football player, so good that he was scouted for the university team.

He got along with everyone in spite of language issue and everybody liked him. As far as guys are concerned the man was the voice of every hormone charged boy in the hostel. When we were all together he was crass and incredibly funny. All of us were high on being young and he was something like our mascot.

He did have some traits that pointed at dysfunction though. He didn't seem to have any roots, no connections to his past. He never answered his phone even if his friends from Delhi called. The guy was ice. When I asked him about it he said, " There is no point and I was not very close to them either. "
We were roommates so of course we found out things about each other. We used to talk for a while about all kinds of abstract topics and about our pasts. He talked about his first girlfriend and what it was like, about the high he feels when he walks onto the ground and listens to the crowd cheering his name, an older friend a senior who took him under his wing and trained him in football among other things. I told him about my childhood, my feelings towards my father, my fear towards women kind in general, my first episode of social approach anxiety and how that changed me. He was the first person to know about my 'predisposition'. He kinda figured it out. He even came up with a theory for it. Said that it had something to do with my instinct to please others. I hotly refuted him at the time but.....

Anyway as far as memories go one does stand out....